Why did I have to go to Haiti again?

Oh wow. Haven't blogged in a while. Sorry everyone! So recently I just got back from my trip to Haiti. and I will talk about the trip first and then my anger with the adoption process. So yay! So Friday night we flew to Newark, then to Haiti in the morning. Its kinda said that I have gotten used to the chaos in the Haiti airport. But anywho. We got there and they told us that Lorvens would be in the van. So of course I'm so excited to get in there. I open the door, and woah. No lorvens? Whatttt? We load into the van confused, and Jackson (our van driver) told us that he was already at the hotel. Well okay then. We get to the hotel and......no lorvens. But after asking around we realize he is taking a nap in Angies room! So he wakes up very sleepy but still comes out to greet us. Oh how I missed him so much. He remembered all of us, and before you know it hes the smiley giggly kid we know and love. Of course he wants to go swimming! We get our suits on and man that kid is fearless! I remember when we first went, (over a year ago. Isn't that crazy?!) he didn't like the water at all. But look at him now! He is swimming by himself and jumping and diving in the water. Another fish to add to the family. Lorvens was in such a good mood all day, and it was such a fun day. On Sunday we were supposed to go to church, but due to security reasons, we couldn't go with the children and they couldn't even be in the same van with us so we chose not to go. That was such a fun day even with Lorvens not taking a nap! We all decorated Easter bags and had an Easter egg hunt. The hotel owner's granddaughter took a few eggs, but we didn't mind. All the kids had a great time and then were hyped up from all the sugar! Lorvens is having a blast, and likes to get rough with the boys. (Nick, Djedley who is almost 6, and Darrill who is 11). Before I know it the day comes to an end. Lorvens has no problem sleeping and threw no fits! yay! Mondayyyy. It was such another fun filled day! I loved this trip because there was no problems, and it was such an easy going trip. (well until the airport on the way home, but I'll get there). Monday was another day full of swimming and having fun. Then came Tuesday....oh boy tuesday. Having to say goodbye to Lorvens again is the hardest thing. Somehow he knew we were leaving, and kinda started to shut down and get whiny. But we still tried to have fun. Before  I knew it the van pulled up. He said his goodbyes, gave us kisses, and me and my dad were off. Sitting in the van and looking around at the filth and destruction he was living in tore me apart. My mind quickly snaps out of that when we arrive at the airport. Now I will try my best to explain what happened there, but I don't think anyone could understand the true horrors of it unless they were there. Okay so we usually fly American, but this time we flew united. And american has its own seperate part of the airport, and all the other airlines are thrown into another spot. So we get there, and enter a room with about 5 lines. But. Five squished lines and tons of people. People yelling and shoving. People cutting because they just don't care. It truly does scare you. And I was one of the only americans in that room But since my mom travels we got premier access. But. we finally get to the front of that line and they won't accept it and we have to go to the back of the regular line. Are you kidding me? we stomp our way back, and it gets really frustrating. The line moves so slowly, and the people have to open up and look through all your checked bags before they can be checked. then they throw them in the pile and once you get in the front of the line to point to the bag and they check it. So after  around two hours of waiting we finally get checked in. Then have to go to security. ugh. Everything was fine until they thought they saw something in my carry on. So of course right there they just open up my bag and start taking stuff out. Oh my. I feel violated. and then they pat you down. She clears my bag and we finally get to wait to board our flight. But not for long. We board and go up some stairs, but then there is another hand checked security. They went through our bags AGAIN. And then got patted down....again. And it took an hour and a half to board the plane. We call it "Haitian time" they move at their own pace. and a pace not fast enough for me. Especially when we have a flight to catch. We finally land and we have a tight connection. Plus we have to go through customs, get our bags and recheck them, and then go through security again. So we book it. we get through customs fast but waiting for our luggage took forever. like our flight was supposed to start boarding at 8:15 and it was past 8. We finally get it and run through immigration. We are running to recheck our bag and the lady tells us there is a delay. Praise the lord. we start to calm down a little until we are about to go through security.... and our flight isn't on the board. like its non existent. We are so confused and so is the security guy. We go through anyway and find our gate and everything is good. finally. Completley exhausted I slept through the whole flight. and then was finally home. But i was coming home. But was Lorvens? no. Still in that orphanage. Which frustrates me so much. we came out of IBESR in December, and were told 4 months after that Lorvens would be home. Its been 4....is he home? no. will he be home soon? no. there is absolutley no urgency in Haiti, and it crushes me. These poor kids need a loving family and a warm home. but the workers in Haiti don't see that. They think its to benefit the parents. But really we are doing this to help the children of Haiti. Plus haiti has a very high unemployment rate, and people who have jobs do them slowly because they think if they go fast they won't have a job anymore. Which causes a lot of problems. But most of the population is voo doo, so they go by what the "spirits" tell them, and if they get a bad vibe from something, such as an adoption paper, they won't do it. And its so upsetting. I just want Lorvens home. But the process is so long and seems never ending. I just want a kid from Lorvens orphanage home. Now. Because these kids are the bravest and strongest children I know. And deserve to be in America. I don't mean to bash Haiti in anyway it is just frustrating because we want these kids home, but no one seems to care. I met Lorvens one year ago. And I would've never imagine I would be in Haiti 4 times and he still wouldn't be home. I know life isn't fair, but I pray that God decides to bring him home. Its out of my control, and thats what kills me since I'm such a control freak :p I know that God has perfect timing...but come on God, can your perfect timing speed up a little? I hope the day that Lorvens steps foot in our house is soon, because he needs to come home. Home where he will be loved, cared for, and be happy. Come home soon Lorvens. We love you.

Haiti- October 2011 :)

Okay. Woo. Haven't blogged in foreverr. Sorry everyone! But Thursday night I got back from haittii! as all of you already know that. Anywhoo. It was an amazing time! Sunday we woke up at 3:15 am. But I only got two hours of sleep because I was just too excited. We went from Pittsbugh to Miami. and Miami to Haiti. We get to Haiti, and its the same old thing. When we walk out of the airport though, we are completely mobbed my guys trying to get our bags.  I mean they were just ripping it out of my hands. Finally, Big came. (he is the one that helps us everytime. Nobody messes with him:p) He scared of everyone and we were on our way. We get into the parking lot, and the van pulls up. And theres Lorvens! sitting all cute by himself. I climb into the van and we all say hello. He is always quiet at first, but eventuallly he comes out of his shell. We get back to the hotel and all the other families are there. Its like a party! We spend the rest of the day with Lorvens, and go swimming and other fun things. He was in a great mood the whole day. :) And at night, oh my did he get crazy like always. But when it was time to go to bed, he actually went to sleep! No fussing, no crying, no nothing! it was great! On Monday, it was another fun filled day. We went swimming, and Lorvens had a great time. And after dinner, it was his birthday party! And celines! I can't believe he is almost four already! the cake was actually good, and everyone had a great time. But. Pierre came. and he was going to talk with each family and tell them whhere they were in the adoption process. Mandy came up and told us she was out of IBSER. Which is what we were in too. Its a huge step in the adoption process and once you get out of it, its about five months until you can finally bring home your little kid. Mandy also went into IBSER after we did. So I was so sure we were out. She also through another step after that and was flying through the process. I was so happy. We finally get to Pierre, and I'm waiting to get the great news, and bam. The horrendous words come out of his mouth,  "Your paperwork is still in IBSER" I lost it. Thinking, this isn't fair. We shouldve been out forever ago. Why is this happening. But I couldn't react. I had to sit there nicely and wait until he was done talking. But as soon as he was done, I just went off crying. Why. why. why. Why can't my little brother be home? I knew, its Gods timing and blah blah blah. But at that point and time, I thought God was wrong. And his timing sucked. But eventually I got over it, and I know God has perfect timing and Lorvens will be home when God wants him to be. Right after I had calmed down, I heard, the Sunvalls are out too! But i kept my cool, and was happy for them. But we did have some good news. We already have the presidental dispensation, which is the hardest part of getting out of IBSER. So, we should be out soon. So it was a good/bad but good day. Tuesday was a very fun day. We went to the beach! But the two hour car ride, was not fun. Sophna got car sick and threw up many times. And I ended up with Sophinia on my lap, and we were both sweating to death. All of us in one van makes it super hot. But we finally arrived and it was a full out resort. I didn't think they had nice things like that in Haiti! But they did. When we got there, we went straight to the beach. And Lorvens had a good time! he liked standing at the edge and splashing the water. Then we went to the pool, and he had a great time because he could actually stand in this one part and play and he loved it! He is actually starting to swim almost all by him self! Then we decided to eat, and I guess Lorvens was very hungry. He kept shouting, "manje, manje, manje!" Which means,,,"food food food!" he ate almost all of my hotdog, and a ton of fries, and still wanted more! Then we kept swimming and had a very good day. As we were getting ready to leave, I was holding sophna, and bam. She pooped on my arm. It was gross. But it got cleaned up, and everything was finee. On the ride home, no one threw up! But some creepy guys kept waving at me and getting super close to the van. It was kinda scary, but I just turned away and it was fine. We got back to the hotel and played and had a good day. Wednesdayyyy. The last day with Lorvens. ugh. and I was sick! But we still had a very good time. Before I knew it, it was time to go to the orphange, and drop him off. We get there, and he takes us to his room. Which is barely a room. Its probably smaller than your bedroom, with a few bunks all smushed together. And a little place to go the bathroom. Its basically a little indent in the wall with a hole in the ground. and thats it. no door or anything. Then it was time to go. Oh no. I cried, as always, not knowing when I would see him again. But a nanny kissed my mom on the cheek, and let us know she will be taking good care of him. We loaded back into the van, puffy eyes and dried tears, and went back to the hotel. We actually had a very good time at dinner and then it was time to go pack. When we were packing, out of nowhere this little red cross appears. And it said Jesus Christ is lord. Now we have no idea where that came from. Well it was from God letting us know that everything is going to be okay and he will always be here. and then we got up and came back to America! And that was my wonderful trip to Haiti :) And I cant wait to go back and bring home my brother.

Pouring Rain

Okay. So. I was going to blog about this in my other post but I completely forgot! Anywho. One night in Haiti, it was thunderstorming. Terribly. And I started thinking about the people in tents. Who have no protection, a single thunderstorm destroys their "house". It truly is terrible. That we sit inside our beautiful houses watching rain poor down. But in Haiti, people are dying from it. We were complaining in Haiti because the power was constantly going out and things weren't working. But it was nothing compared to what the Haitian people were going through. I believe it was 40 people  that died from a mudslide that night. who knows how many tents were ruined. It just gives you an understanding of how blessed we are. We might not have everything we want, but at least we have everything we need.
 I know that was super short. But I wanted to say it.

Haiti-June 2011

Warning: This blog might be very long. But if you are reading this right now please don't stop. Okay. So. more people read this than I thought. And some people decide to show this to everyone at their work and print it out. (Cough Cough Lori). Hahaha. Just kiddingg. Anywho. Hello everyone. I'm going to talk about my trip to Haiti. Yayy. I might go off or say random things but thats because I'm going to write whatever is on my mind. So. Lets start at the beginning. I get off the plane at Haiti. And its chaos. Like normal. We spot Big. (The guy who helps us with luggage and stuff. You can't miss him.) He takes us to the van. and oh my. Lorvens is there. Say what? Yup. Angie is holding Lorvens and he is asleep. He wakes up and sees us. We were so excited. I couldn't believe I was with him again. Now we decided to test his memory and see if he remembered. So we said. Lorvens. Wheres your nose? And he immeditatley pointed right to his nose. We knew he remembered us. We got back and had a fun time. Lorvens was getting excited and in a better mood. But at dinner he got a little cranky. And we saw a side of Lorvens we have never seen before.  He threw food and whined and got mad. But eventually crashed and slept for 12 hours. The next day was good. Just hanging out and everything. He has his moments. Where he gets upset. And acts like a normal 3 year old. which he didn't do at all before. But it was okay. Sunday morning we went to Church. It was long and hot. After we went to the orphanage because a doctor was coming and Lorvens had to get checked out because he was sick. He was okay though. He just has an ear infection. But at the orphanage, seeing the other kids is hard. Seeing that they still don't have a family. Or how the only thing they want is love. You walk in there and right then hands go up and they beg you to hold them. It breaks your heart seeing them. The second you put them down they cry and cry and cry. But. We didn't spend to much time with other kids at the orphanage. Because Lorvens got very jealous when we did. He would actually start to have a meltdown and cry if we even touched another kid. So we spent most of our time with him. But life went on. And Lorvens came out of his shell even more. If that was possible. He LOVED getting a shower. I mean he shrieked and giggled and danced and sang the whole time in the shower. It didn't matter that the showerhead barley worked or the water was freezing. He still loved it. Now after the shower. Was his wild moments. He would literally scream and sing for an hour straight. That boy never took a breathe. But after he would settle down, he would get cranky. And scream. and cry. for about 2 hours. Until he cried and went to sleep. It was hard to hear him cry but it was just because he was in a new place and wasn't sure. But slowly the end was creeping up on us. And I was scared. And worried. And I felt so close to him I couldn't even think of leaving. But before I knew it, It was Tuesday. The day I had to say goodbye. He had to leave at 4. The nannies were coming in a van to get him and the rest of the kids. (Stanley, Sophna, Sophina, Celine, and Lourdina). Around 2 or so we woke him up from his nap. and oh man was he cranky. I mean terrible. He pinched, hit, screamed, whined, cried. The whole bit. He even spit and got so mad at us that he decided to pee on the floor. when he knew very well not to. I got upset by this, that the last hour to spend with him he was in a bad moood. How did we cheer him up? Throw him in the shower. It worked. He became that smiling kid everyone loves. And before I knew it, the nannies were walking up the steps. Oh boy. I instantly cried my eyes out. Not wanting to let go. The nannie took Lorvens from me. My baby. Sitiing in the van. And he understood what was going on. And he was sad too. Celine was crying her eyes out. Stanley threw a fit. It was so upsetting. So. I just left. I grabbed the key from my  mom and ran to the room. I layed on my bed with hot tears streaming down my cheeks. Picturing my little brother, knowing I have to wait 3 months to see him again. That he will be in an orphanage with not a lot of love or attention that he wants. I basically haven't stopped crying since that moment. I cried at night. I cried on the airplane. I'm crying right now in the middle of the Miami airport. Its just so hard. But right before we left Haiti, we were sitting on the airplane. And I heard a whistle. I listened more and realized it was the song, "Jesus Loves me." And I immeditiatly looked at my mom. Everyday we sang that song to Lorvens. He eventually started singing it. I was shocked. I tried finding who was singing it. but I couldn't. I looked everywhere. Eventually, I thought. Well. It has to be God telling me something. And I realized it was. God was telling me everything is going to be okay. He has my baby and its going to be okay. He will wrap him in his arms while I can't. And I can't wait until I can finally wrap myself around my little brother again. But for now, I just have to trust God and know that everything will be okay. And then my little brother will finally be coming home.

Friday.

Wow. What stressful days are ahead of me. On Friday, I'll be on my way to Haiti again. Crazy right? Sometimes I can't even wrap my mind around that. That I get to see my baby brother on FRIDAY. And its so exciting. But something that is always stressful is the packing. oh boy. 6 suitcases and 2 bookbags for 3 people. Insane right? (Well you could say 4 if you count Lorvens, but he doesn't have to carry all this stuff around). Packing is a big deal because you have to pack well. Your clothes. Lorvens clothes. Lorven's toys. Medicine. Sunscreen. Bug spray. and so so so much more you wouldn't believe. There is almost 2 full suitcases of donations. Which we are so thankful for. Because right now, the orphanage is in desperate need of supplies. They basically have nothing left. With the diapers, clothes, formula, shampoo, and much more, hopefully the supplies we give will help keep the orphanage going for a while. Now. alot of people think, "Why can't you just give them money?" Well. Things in haiti are 20 times more expensive than here. So you can get tons more stuff from here than you could get there. Which is crazy because no one is Haiti has money so how can they afford all this stuff? Well they really can't at all. Which is why we need to help them. Other people ask, "Why can't you just ship the stuff to Haiti?" Well, the ports in Haiti are very coruppt and most things would be stollen there and never reach the orphanage. So. We have to take them there ourselves. And a lot of people ask me to describe the orphanage. Well. heres my best description. Its gated around, so no one bad can get it. When you pull up, the outside of the orphanage has painted handprints and a large deck in the front. The kids are climbing the gate around the deck to see us. They look so happy. Then you walk in. It looks pretty nice. Theres a long hallway. The first door on your left, leads to the toddler room. Where there is always at least 4 kids screaming and crying. Once you walk in that room, you instantly have up to 4 kids on your lap. With about 5 others sitting on the floor crying because they want to be held. You can't leave without them crying begging you to come back. But if you leave, you go back into that hallway. On your right, you see a bathroom, and some offices for the people that work at the orphanage. To your left, there is a classroom/eating room. Its about the size of your bedroom. A few colorful ribbons and tables sit there. You keep walking. On your left is the baby room. About 25 babies silently sleeping as the nannies sing hymns to them and pray. Most babies in that room, are special needs and are likely to pass away. If you keep walking straight, theres a door to go outside. Its a big courtyard, the place looks very run down. To your left there is girls braiding eachother's hair, and straight ahead you see boys running around and screaming. You just sit there and look around. Before you know it, kids are starting to play with you, and beg for attention. Its amazing how many games you can play without speaking a single word because they won't understand you. Then you look in the rooms of the kids, and theres bunkbeds with their names on them. They seem so happy for you to be there, and you don't ever want to leave.  You walk upstairs, and see 2 classrooms. And thats it. Thats the orphanage. 70 kids. About 20 nannies. A missionary. And then us. It doesn't seem to nice, but I would stay there with Lorvens if I could. A lot of people also ask what they eat. They get 4 meals a day. Which is pretty good. But. The food quality isn't the greatest. Basically mush everyday. But the kids LOVE it. and beg for  more. Because they all have parasites, so its like they have to feed 2 people. One time when I was feeding Lorvens, a little girl grabbed the plate from my hands, took food, shoved it in her pocket, and ran. Lorvens slapped her right across the face! They take food seriously down there. There was at least 5 kids at all times surrounding me begging for food as I fed Lorvens. It really breaks your heart. And hopefully one day soon they will all have a real home and real parents. <3 :)

10 more days?

^Did that just say 10 more days? I think so. Thats right. Ten more days until I get to see my baby brother again. A lot of people are asking, "Do get you bring home your brother this time?" Well. The answer is sadly no. This is just called a bonding trip, and basically we just spend a few days with Lorvens doing whatever we want to do. It feels like forever ago since I've seen him. But its only been two months. But every night since I've been home from Haiti I sleep with Lorven's stuffed animal. Lame right? Well I don't care. Its a constant reminder that I have a little brother in Haiti that gets to be with us soon. Yes that stuffed animal has dried tears. From the nights of missing him. The nights wondering why he has to be in Haiti where he is suffering. The nightmares, seeing his face when he had to say goodbye and how sad he looked. But now, that stuffed  animal will be covered in tears of joy, knowing that I get to see my brother in ten days. Now, a lot of siblings can't stand eachother. They think they are annoying and want to get away from them. But I can't stand the time Lorvens and I are seperated. Its almost like you don't realize what you have until its taken away from you. And I can't wait to get what I've got stolen from me. I get more time with my 3 year old brother, Lorvens. :)

Why him?

Okay, so. On Wednesday, I was eating lunch. And my friend was complaining about her lunch and just kinda joking around I said, "Well suck it up and eat it. My own brother is starving in Haiti." I didn't really think about what I said, and then. In the middle of Incline. I was sitting there. and it hit me. My brother is starving in Haiti. That little 3 year old boy doesn't deserve what he has. He doesn't get treatment for his parasites until we bring him home. I was very upset, and I often think about him, but never like that. I used to get angry at God, because I was upset that he would let my baby brother be in such a bad condition and not do anything about it. But I thought longer, and then I realized. My family is what is helping my brother.  Even though we can't get him yet, we are getting them out there eventually. Then he will be so blessed like I am and be happier than before. If thats even possible. He doesn't have to live a life in a barely functioning orphanage. He gets to be in America, and I guess that I always asked, "why him?"  But. He is getting the help he needs very soon. And I can't wait until we finally bring him home. :)